


I See London, I See France...

by rightonmybins



Series: The Real Househusbands of Baker Street [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: A Study in Pink, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Life at 221B Baker Street, Fluff and Humor, John feels a draft, M/M, Sherlock has ulterior motives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 21:23:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13466817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightonmybins/pseuds/rightonmybins
Summary: ...John's not wearing underpants.Five days of arguing about pants and one day of ... well, you'll see.





	I See London, I See France...

I.  
“Sherlock, it was your turn to do the laundry this week.”  
“Boring.”  
“Well now I have no pants to wear.”  
“Do without.”  
“Sherlock, you may enjoy that free and easy feeling but I prefer not.”  
"It's healthier. You did realize that too much body heat lowers your sperm count?"  
"I am not concerned about my sperm count."  
"Don't you want to father children?"  
"Sherlock, why would I need children when I have YOU." 

II.  
“...Any tea?”  
“Sherlock, there is always tea. Even if there are NO CLEAN PANTS. Do you EVER intend to do the laundry?”  
“Sometime, perhaps.”  
“I hate having nothing between me and my trousers. It feels so ..... arousingly pervy.”  
“Problem?” 

III.  
“Look, you, I know you are just crazy enough to go to Buckingham Palace WITH NO PANTS ON, but I am tired of running all over London with my tackle swinging to and fro like a pendulum, even if that is your own very special sexual kink. Everything is getting chafed. And today I caught my foreskin in my zipper!”  
“Come here, John. I shall kiss it and make it all better.”

IV.  
"You can do the laundry or you can go stark bollocks naked, your choice. But I need pants! And pants I will have!”  
“I don't need to go stark bollocks naked, John. I have plenty of clean pants. In fact, I’m wearing some.”  
“You are not.”  
“Look.”  
“What the hell is that? Some kind of metrosexual banana hammock?”  
“It’s stylish.”  
“It’s…pink.”  
“Pink is a very flattering color for every skin tone.” 

V.  
“The truth is, John, I did the laundry but I didn't notice that red sweatshirt you just bought was in the hamper. I threw all the clothes in together, and…well, chemical processes and shrinkage and color transference being what they are…”  
“….You turned all of our laundry pink.”  
“And I’m afraid it shrunk up. A bit.”  
“Sherlock, that looks like a load of doll’s clothing. Pink doll’s clothing. And is that my best dress shirt…”  
“It...was.”  
“When were you going to tell me about this?!”  
“Maybe never. I admit that I quite fancy the idea of you going commando all the time.”  
"I may do that at home - for you and you alone - but not in all 32 boroughs of Greater London.”

VI.  
“John, where are you going?”  
“To Marks & Spencer to buy some new, y’know, PANTS. You can just stay home and swan around in your pink banana hammock.”  
“It’s surprisingly comfortable.”  
“Sherlock, I can plainly see that it’s so tight it’s constricting your circulation and you are….uh, swelling up. That is,…uh….edema is a very dangerous condition, you know….”  
“Edema – boring.”  
“Why don't you come with me. We could have a pants date. You know, where two people who like each other go out, have fun….buy new underpants together?”  
“Why don’t you stay home and we can just be stark bollocks naked together instead. We’ll call it a no-pants date. At any rate, it’s almost teatime.”  
“That’s true. I’m suddenly rather hungry. Starving, actually.”  
“Mmm. Me too. Let’s have dinner.” 

Much later:  
“John…why did the pirate wear underpants?”  
“Oh I don’t know, Sherlock. Go to sleep.”  
“Come on, guess.”  
“I have no bloody idea why the pirate wore underpants.”  
“To hide his booty.”  
“…Goodnight, Sherlock.”


End file.
